a passion's embrace, my love for words

temporary life

2011-01-22T09:48:00.002+08:00

life dont always turn out the way you want

em to be.

its not always a fairytale for some.

how you choose to live it is important.

moving forward with dignity & determination.

living life to its fullest, making the most

out of everything.

finding happiness wherever & whenever

you can.

holding back onto past memories

of what-could-have-beens & whys

refusing to let go,

choosing to mourn the loss of

the past, leaving the uncertain future

to fate.

everything here is temporary.

i think everyone forgot that.

i fall in love

2010-12-25T20:04:00.003+08:00

in a very mellow mood currently.

i dunoe, im just being an emotional

fuck at the moment i guess.

hmm

anyways

this song's on repeat mode since like

forever on my iPod.

the rhythm & lyrics seemed to touch a

raw nerve inside

somewhere, where i thought didnt exist anymore.

apparently it does, since i cried so much

whenever i hear it every night.

i wish somebody would play tis piece on the

piano for me,

just once *wistfully*

*credits: snjeung @ YouTube

mean

2010-12-18T02:12:00.002+08:00

been workin my ass off for the past week
cos the crappy old woman went on a break.
sure, its all nice & good with nobody to bug me
with incessant nagging and annoying
comments.
as if i dont have enough on my own already
*rolls eyes*

but honestly, the workload is crap.
terribly hard for a lone person in the lab
to handle.
i worked like a manic, lol tryin to beat the time
in completing my work.
its fun, LMFAO, though its a lil hard on my
poor aching back and legs.
well, im gettin paid for all this shit so i guess i'd
just better shut my trap for time being.
heh

i know, i sound mean.
im in a crappy shit kinda mood.
one of those which makes you go around
taunting others & making cruel jokes meant to hurt
and also deriving pleasure from it all.

*sighs*

grandfather's 100 days death anniversary is on
Christmas eve next Friday.
we're having a prayers cum dinner to mark the day.
its been on my mind all day today.

i miss you something terrible~

wallowing

2010-12-12T03:44:00.002+08:00

havent been well lately.
sore throat, cough, blocked nose
the usual symptoms for flu.
its bad enough with the body aches im
having all over.
the flu seemed to top it all off.

i feel miserable as it is right now.
really down in the dumps.

i dunoe, its like im in the pits
and i dont feel like climbing out of it just yet.

wallowing in self-pity, feeling pathetically sorry
for myself.
its dumb i agree, but just lemme indulge this time.

i need a good sulk.

beloved grandfather

2010-11-28T04:09:00.004+08:00

a part of me inside died
the day grandfather passed away on 15 November 2010.

his death was imminent, considering he
was diagnosed with advanced stage colon cancer
few months back.
he was in/out of the hospital constantly and it was
evident that he was tired of fighting it any longer
due to the unbearable pain.
the morphine didnt do much, it only knocked him
unconscious and made him disoriented whilst he
was awake.
he could still feel the pain.

the last memory i had of him, was seeing him lying
on the hospital bed.
trying to force down a cup of an almost-liquid porridge,
retching and coughing the whole time.
clutching his chest in agony, i felt completely helpless as
i stood by his side unable to do anything else save
pat his back reassuringly.
hoping it'd make him feel better, but knowing that it wasnt
enough.

2days before he passed on, he was just discharged from the
hospital on the advice of the nurse,
who i believe sensed that grandfather was near the end of
his time.
he was to be given loads of tender loving care at home,
surrounded by his loved-ones.
and to be indulged in his every fanciful whims *smiles wistfully*

i regretted the fact that i didnt manage to beg for his forgiveness
and to see him alive one last time.
to see his face creased up and smiling as i made up on-the-spot
pathetic jokes or funny antics, just to make him laugh
and feel a lil better.
or to caress his hair gently, to pat him on his back, to
massage his legs and everything else that i wanted to do.

*sobs uncontrollably*

im sorry grandfather, i love you so much.
for all the times you've spent taking care of me when
i was a toddler, all the love you gave me and for just being
there the whole time.
you were a wonderful grandfather and you'll always be missed.
truly.

you're in a better place right now, God loves you more than me.
and may God bless your soul.
its been 2 weeks already and i miss you every single day.

back!

2010-08-21T02:39:00.002+08:00

its been awhile.
but i realised that its time to
start writing here again,
ever since my blogger's instinct came back
with a vengeance.
heh

if you're wondering, yeah im okay.
probably not whole yet, but a lil better
than before.
which says something about it right?

life's good, moving along just fine.
so its all rosy, lol

rest assured, cos im back :)

undefinite

2010-04-10T01:40:00.003+08:00

i know
its been a friggin long time since i've last
updated anything here.

but honestly
i think i've lost all enthusiasm to continue
blogging for time being.

my life's currently a chaotic whirlwind,
messy and complicated.
i feel the need to sort it all out and really
get away to find peace with my inner self,
it seems.

sounds a tad dramatic, i know.

until then, i'll be on a long and undefinite
hiatus.
apologies for the sudden decision.
but no worries, i'll be back soon enough.

hopefully to a better and happier me.
:)

take care ^^

wound up

2010-03-11T20:53:00.003+08:00

have been an emotional wreck lately
no, it has nothing to do with my hormones
heh
just a lil stressed up and wound up tighter
than a spring.
sighs

and its been decided that i'll officially hand
over my resignation letter to my boss at the
end of tis month.
i think i've been mulling & worrying about it
for quite a long time already.
thinking whether im making the right decision
or will i live to regret it later.

nontheless, i've made up my mind.
thats the most important thing.

i know you're curious as to why im quitting.
cant possibly quit for no reason at all right?
i'll reveal all in my next post.
the reasons, all of which are perfectly justified
and logical.

sighs.

resignation

2010-02-28T00:00:00.002+08:00

the decision to quit my current employment
is not an impulsive one.
neither is it a spur-of-the-moment thing, no.
i have thought about it long and hard.
in fact, i think that its high time i move on
with the other aspects of my life
and do what i have always wanted to do.

and no, i dont have a new one lining up
at the moment.
i dont want to immediately jump into another
employment for the sake of security.
for my peace of mind and sanity, im taking some
time off.
yes it does seem that im being a selfish creature
towards my family.

but that doesnt particularly concern you right now,
does it? *smirks*

i have it all planned out.
and at the top of the list; do some soul-searching.

i have become a hardened & jaded cynic. a hypocrite
knee-deep in shit & office politics.
and im not proud of it.
but these are necessary evils, ones which i cloak myself
with, to survive the harsh world.

and im weary of it all.
*siighs*
fucking sick and tired.

it'll all be over soon enough.
and then i'll be flying free.
soon.

reprieve

2010-02-27T05:35:00.002+08:00

Bangkok was refreshing, due to the lack
of a better word. heh
in all seriousness, it was a good trip and i
had a short reprieve from everything.
God, i needed that. i think, haha

im too lazy to do a pic-commentary post here
at this moment but i'll upload them on
my FB, with limited access of course hah~

anyways
lately, i feel like my nerves are wound up
tightly
feels like it could snap anytime soon
with the slightest provocation.
i dunoe, im so friggin stressed up.

maybe i need to sleep it off.
its about 545am here and it doesnt
bode well for me im still up right?

okay, since i need to clear it up
i'll do a proper one when im in a
proper state of mind and my head is
cleared up, for once. lol

good night~

unplanned

2010-02-11T00:17:00.003+08:00

its been a trying time lately for my
maternal side
im a mess emotionally & mentally
its friggin crazy and i dunoe wads goin on
anymore
grief seemed to cause all this i think :(

the previous post was about my grandfather
and i think i shall let it be unfinished just like that
dont think i will continue it, not up for it at
the moment.
or anytime soon for that matter.

oh and
tis is supposed to be on a happy and
cheerful note
but then again, things dont always happen
the way we planned it to be.
anyways, i'll be goin to Bangkok for a whole week.
sort of like a short holiday trip.

it might sound like im being thoughtless but tis trip
has been planned and booked for since
September last year.
its too late for me to cancel my flight anyways.
siighhsss~

tis time, im goin with a heavy heart.
cos grandfather, my thoughts will always be with
you even though i'll be away,
but no worries, i'll be back soon enough
so wait up okay?
heh

till then, take care all.
i love you.

shattered

2010-02-06T00:11:00.002+08:00

grandfather was doing quite well after the
major surgery 3months ago,
when doctors removed a large chunk of
his large intestine due to the presence of growth
deemed to be cancerous.

he was up and about within a week of the surgery,
surprising doctors and beating the odds in his
favour.
he even looked his normal healthy self again
and everyone was pleased.

but a few weeks ago, he started complaining of
tummy pains & cramps.
followed by dizzy spells, vommitting and high
fever.
things quickly went spiralling down from then on.

recently, he was admitted yet again into
the hospital.
and this time its serious enough to
guarantee that he might not be able to make it
out anymore.

*cries*

gosh im so overwhelmed right now.
will continue tis post later,
im sorry.

momentary

2010-01-24T02:12:00.002+08:00

i know, i havent been updating much here.
its been a helluva week.
sighs
so friggin tired these days, work is drivin
me crazy.

but no worries
i shall do a proper one soon
complete with pictures, of which i have been
wanting to share with you guys ;)

oh and im still contemplating on whether i
should do a picture-commentary post here
on my Perth holiday trip last month.
the pics are up in my FB but then again,
it has limited access
lol

prolly i shall.
=p

*yawns*
its 2am here alread, God.
i need sleep. tah~

new year

2010-01-13T19:30:00.002+08:00

i know, its kinda late to wish you
a happy new year for 2010.
its well past the month, 2 weeks to be
exact lol
but i feel that its acceptable since we're
still in the early weeks eh.

*grins*

anyways
havent made any new resolutions for this year
no concrete plans, yet.
cos i dont want to be hurried into it, thus rendering
my resolutions as completely useless
and unachieveable *rolls eyes*

havent we been through all these already?
just cos we've decided that along the course of
the year, it turns out to be unsuitable, totally
off our pre-planned course or
(lets not delude ourselves, really)
that we're just plain lazy to continue so
heh

guilty of the said reasons? *smug grins*
i know, cos i plead the same reasons too lol

resolutions aside
lets not forget the most important thing;
as every year come and go, i realise that life
is precious and too short to waste it on
all the unnecessary unhappiness/misery/angst/hatred,
those negative feelings.

be happy regardless of anything
cos for every one negative thing which makes you feel very
bad or upset, there will always be ten other happy things.

forget the past, look towards the future with a
positive outcome.
stop all the hating & judging. critisms wont get you
anywhere.
and lastly, have faith & keep believeing for the good
of it.

have a good 2010 ahead.
cheers~

back home

2009-12-27T10:49:00.002+08:00

back from Perth!
it was great
and i readily admit that after all
that summer fun,
i find s'pore a lil boring and mundane
to say the least.

i dunoe
pace of life is much more slower and the people
there seems much more relaxed
and content as they go about doing their work.
plenty of time for walks in the park, gazing
at the clear blue sky
and just aimlessly driving around,
taking in the beautiful scenery.

its different here and i wont
even bother to start comparing.
why? cos i know its too obvious and lets
just say that my future plans
might result in me moving there.
*grins*

on a much happier note;
i know you're eager to see the pictures
which i took whilst i was there.
lol
plan to update them all on my FB and some
on my blog, right here!
but definitely not today, heh
cos theres just too many of them!

no worries
will update you all once im done
with the pictures upload yeah?
soon, i promise ^^

tah~

summer <3

2009-12-22T22:37:00.003+08:00

Perth is simply beautiful in its own right.
even the scorching summer heat, in
intensity fails to dim that delight.

the air feels refreshing,
clear blue sky, endlessly dotted with
white fluffly clouds.
its as if its a canvas draped above
Earth's sphere.

i dunoe, it feels different here.
whats surprising is that i like it.

that pleasant feeling infusing into my veins,
thus giving rise to an onslaught of an invigorating
delight.
calm and serenity has never felt so apt before.
contented.
so peaceful and at ease with all my senses.

comes the realization that i'd needed all this,
so much, for so long.

p/s: oh and i'll be back with pics =p

vacation

2009-12-17T06:31:00.002+08:00

i think its just plain rude when i give
you a xmas gift and you rejected it.
left me bewildered, hurt and angry with your lame excuses.
>.<
had to literally force you to accept it.
i think you're just plain weird. huh.
and thats not very nice of you.
left me feeling very bad abt the whole thing.
shitty.

whatever. *shrugs*

anyways on a brighter note;
im flying off to Perth tonite~ wooo~
so excited, cant hardly wait!
but the downside is that i havent finish packing
my luggage yet, lol.
i know, its terrible.

im gonna have to spend the rest of the morning
and afternoon later packing up everything.
bahhh...
will be away for approximately 7 - 10 days i think
which means that i'll be spending my xmas
there~ hoho~

sighs

i need the break.
time to get some well-deserved vacation.
else i go mad, lol.

will be back soon enough yeah.
with lots of pics *grins*
take care all, till then...

au revoir

goin slow

2009-12-12T23:58:00.005+08:00

today was a good cheery day.
there was sunshine everywhere,
wind was blowing gently, it was a
relatively peaceful & calm affair in all.

and it made me drowsy the whole afternoon.
lol

i loveee slow-moving days, especially on the
weekends.
cos you have the entire day to just chillax.
which is good i think.
after a week's worth of mental & physical
torture at the hell-hole i call work,
i deserve to just laze around doing nothing
at all on weekends.

hah

i just love lazy saturdays~
=D

5 more days baby~
woo woo woooo~

of sorts

2009-12-11T23:05:00.002+08:00

i know, its been a while since i last
updated.
work has been absolutely crazy.
havent had time for a breather lately.
all work and no play,
its turning me into a dull girl eh =/

but its okay i supposed, since i'll be goin on
a holiday next week. *grins*
yeah, a week-long break.
a much needed & well-deserved one, if i do say
so myself, thankyou very much
lol

gosh
you dont know how much i look forward to it.
i reaallyy need to get away from that place
for some time.
preferably forever, but hey we all gotta be realistic
some time, yes? heh
siighss*

i know you must be wondering.
yeaps, i'll be goin to Perth (Aussie) on the 18th, where my
aunt is based.
sort of like a visiting cum holiday session. =p
the nicest part of tis trip is tat i get to spend Xmas there~
=D
ice ice baby~ lmao

shall we start a countdown of sorts to my hols?
starting from tonite eh..

7 more days~ hohoho~

of plush toys

2009-11-28T13:57:00.006+08:00

my colleague was selling these Sasha bears
for charity, the other day.
the bears looked so damn cute and i couldnt
resist them, so i got 2 for myself.
afterall, they were for a good cause eh?
justified right? lol

(pics taken courtesy of my hp camera, not very nice =p)

green & yellow bears~
the green bear looks like a little monster, heh
while the yellow one looks like a cheery winnie the pooh

mom chose the green one, lol.

and i took the cheery yellow bear of course!

yay for me~

the boyfriend made me a happy girl tis week too.

why? he bought me a lovely plush toy,

knowing that i was being such a grumpy and bad-

tempered idiot tis past week.

he wanted to cheer me up

all together now;

*aaawww*
LMAO

a lovely Hello Kitty plush!

i love love love love it so so so so much!

if you dont know, im mad for all things Hello Kitty

i have so many different Hello Kitty plush, but tis

has got to be the sweetest ever~ =D

doesnt it look just so sweet?

heh heh

i love you darling

*muuahhh*

promises*

2009-11-27T00:12:00.002+08:00

i know, my posts have been a lil
mundane lately.
blame it on exhaustion.
work is killing me, literally.

ah God, so damn tired.
my body feels so bruised and battered,
like its been spit out from the eye of a wild
cyclone and dumped on the ground.
lol, kidding~

fret not, i'll upload several interesting pics
tomorow onwards
to liven up tis site, heh
been meaning to do all that but i keep
procrastinating and gettin distracted by
other stuffs =p

oh and just a note,
my tumblr page is not another blog of mine
its more of a space for me to share my interests
eg; music, film, quotes, thoughts

does that answer your questions?

right, i'd better get going then.
gonna tuck myself to bed and i'll do
a proper update once my mood is better yeah?
*promise* =D

torture

2009-11-20T23:31:00.002+08:00

a helluva week it has been.
literally.

good God.
Vivien went off for a 3week-long holiday,
also clearing her annual leave.
Im left alone in the laboratory, struggling to complete
(the seemingly endless) daily chemical analysis
and covering most of her work at the same time.

going crazy soon
slowly, but surely.
another 2 more weeks of torture
before she comes back.
*grimaces*

im really glad its the weekend.
rejoice, rejoice! lol

and you know what?
im just gonna laze at home, doing
nothing for the weekend.
i'd like to think that i deserve my
lazy weekend.
i insist on it, in fact.

im not kidding.

unwell

2009-11-15T09:38:00.002+08:00

am currently having a very bad cold,
sore throat and slight fever.
bahhh..
damn irritating to be feeling weak and
sleepy all the time due to medication.

*scrubs face with hands*

urgh

i'll do a proper one once i feel a lil
better yeaps?
a lil cranky at the moment

*siighh*

rabbit food

2009-11-14T00:02:00.002+08:00

in a bid to reduce weight, since im
startin to feel like a fat cow AND resemble
one too,
have currently resorted to eating rabbit food
every single day, for dinner.
consisting of vegetables and fruits.

its atrocious i know, and completely hopeless
but i managed to stick to it for the past week.
and you know what? am barely hanging on for
dear life, haha..

*siighs*

i know i know
life is made up of stuffs far more important
and exciting than going on a stupid diet,
but choices remember?

i think i can, therefore i know i can

pathetic.. heh

conclude

2009-11-07T09:40:00.002+08:00

life is complicated as it is
dont add more to it.

some things are just meant to be
rhetoric, you dont have to take
it literally.

and

i think its time to stop for a bit
and ponder upon it all.

when you've reached the conclusion,
you'll realise that you've indeed come a
long way.

temper

2009-10-31T12:56:00.002+08:00

have been rather moody and so quick
to angst these days.
i feel really sucky, for want of a better word.

sigh

need to get away from that place soon.
its driving me crazy, literally.
urgh

the other side

2009-10-27T21:41:00.002+08:00

I'll admit, my posts here are getting a lil mundane
and the frequency pretty much depends
on my moods/inclinations.

very boring.

but the other side of me, which i mostly keep
hidden away, for fear of being ridiculed,
updates frequently.

if you're interested;
hayatea.tumblr.com

nap

2009-10-25T19:46:00.003+08:00

was feelin a lil more cranky & grumpy than
usual today, dunoe why though.

to top it off, had the most annoying headache
that nagged throughout the afternoon.
God.

so darling decided that i needed a nap.
which wasnt necessary, or so i thought.
knowing my weak spots, he gently began rubbing
soothing circles on my back
and caressed the top of my head softly, whispering
sweet nothings into my ear.
was lulled to sleep and im not ashamed to admit that
i almost succumbed to it.
hehe =p

the short rest helped though, it went a long way
into improving my mood.

i love you baby *muahh*

random

2009-10-17T09:41:00.005+08:00

my back feels like it has been trampled over by
a herd of elephants.
the muscles are aching in protest. God.

maybe i should just lie down flat on my back
for the rest of today, lol.

ah
and the weather looks pretty good today.
sunny and cheery.
a good day for a date with the darling boyf.
haha, yes a date.
its been too long since we've went on a proper date.

a random one today.

happy birthday!

2009-10-11T00:14:00.004+08:00

Had a dinner cum surprise birthday celebration,

with the old poly mates, for Eugene earlier today.
the girls decided to come together to Nad's place
to cook an all pasta menu based dinner for him.

the food was delicious, great atmosphere with the usual
group of people present.
havent been meeting up with them for months and
it was crazy, chaotic, messy and noisy.
conversations of all sorts were random and everywhere.
lol, it was hard keeping up with them.
but i enjoyed every single moment, heh.

main highlight of the celebration was the birthday boy!

lol
God, Eugene you look so damn fair and cheeky with

that smile

hahaha

he look so happy, lol

and lets not forget the birthday cake!
a passion fruit cake, courtesy of Tiffany.
the measly pics didnt do any justice towards it,

real sorry =p

cake was yummy!

Fate

2009-10-10T02:56:00.003+08:00

grandfather was supposed to go for a
chemotherapy treatment, as a follow-up
to his major surgery for the removal of the cancerous
growth in his large intestine.
but the doctor told us that in view of his frail
health and age, it wouldnt be a wise option.

post-surgery x-ray scan of his intestine
(or rather what is left of it),
showed that the cancerous cells sprouted
out again.

the chemo will be hell on him.
and even if he goes through, it doesnt necessarily
mean that he'll get better or the growth will disappear
completely.
might have the opposite effect of making it even worse.

and hes already weak now,
having only a bit part of his large intestine left.

yet if we leave it be, grandfather is expected
to be given a period of time to live.

thats the most heart-breaking thing somebody has
ever said to me.
*wipes away tears*

my mind is a complete blank now.
oh God.

faith

2009-10-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

telling myself that whatever difficulties
im facing right now,
will only make me more stronger &
determined to push through.

but sometimes
its just so fucking hard.

especially so, when everything seems to
be happening at a rate even faster than i
can fuck.
too overwhelming.

*breathes in and out*

its okay babe.
hang on in there *whispers to myself*

latest

2009-09-26T17:00:00.003+08:00

im a happy girl today.
why?
cos i got my hands on the latest
Dan Brown's book, The Lost Symbol

heh heh heh

havent started on it yet.
i plan to savour it slowly, instead
of rushing through.
gosh, im having goosebumps
and the chills just thinking about it alone
lol

la di da...

ignorant pig

2009-09-24T20:37:00.004+08:00

i get very defensive whenever
people say things like;

'why must you buy books when you
can always borrow them from the library?'

or

'you'll only read it once then just shove it
someplace forgotten'

what the hell is your problem?
i happen to treasure every book that i buy.
and fyi, i own a godamm library in my room.
i love reading books.

books open up your mind to the endless
possibilities out there.
you'll know a lil bit more something
everyday when you read.

and for one, i definitely know that you dont.
why? firstly, your broken Singlish and that awful
way of speaking.
speaking proper English in a Singlish-sort of
way is one thing.
BUT speaking broken english in Singlish, is
another. its worse.
shows what an ignorant, self-assuming
and narrow-minded idiot you are.

so please, just shut up if you dont have anything
worth my while to say.
babi.

stupid people.

loser

2009-09-21T15:52:00.002+08:00

i have just realised that my life
suck.
every single aspect of it.
my job, my lifestyle, my hobbies
and except for my boyf, everything
else applies.
unless i choose to look at it from a
different perspective.
but who am i trying to kid?

when was the last time i truly enjoyed
doing something that i really like?
just beacause, you know.
without counting those which i have or literally
forced myself to do in order to make myself
happy.

have decided to make some major personal
changes.
but im bidding my time.
have set plans already and soon enough, i'll
be having my complete freedom.

just you wait and see.

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-19T18:06:00.002+08:00

i think this year's raya gonna be
a lil somber and gloomy.
granfather on the maternal side
is currently in the hospital.
siighh

i love him so much
and its hard to imagine celebrating raya
without his presence.
i feel like crying.

but sometimes when the illness or
disease takes its toll on the frail human body
its better to pray that he be spared from further
suffering and let him go peacefully.

it hasnt come to that stage, yet.
i just hope that he gets better in time.
but when the time comes, which i know
it will,
i'll be prepared.

i love you atok. truly i do.

Eid Mubarak everyone.
Forgive my past mistakes.
have a blessed day.

cherish your loved ones near you, yet
dont forget those who are not with us.
keep them in our hearts and prayers.

ill

2009-09-16T14:47:00.002+08:00

my head is pounding madly.
theres so much phlegm in my throat.
my tummy hurts.
am on MC thus.

i dunoe.
theres so much i wana pour out,
but i dunoe where to start.

think i shall keep it for some other
appropriate time.

drowsy already from the meds.

chopped

2009-09-13T22:40:00.003+08:00

chopped off chunks of my mane recently.
not literally of course.
cos it was getting straggly (im not sure
what that means, lol) at the ends.
and it'd reached my butt.

and being the ever vainpot me,
decided to mess it up further by coloring
& highlightin it as well.
trying to go for that short, tousled wild look
i guess
but not quite succeeding i believe.
haha
its shorter now and my head feels lighter.
rejoice rejoice, lol

ahhh
i love my mane, really i do.

the boyfriend loves it too.
weeee~

haunting

2009-09-07T22:31:00.002+08:00

im so fucking sick and tired.
disillusioned, disenchanted.

i've decided to resign from my workplace
at the end of this month.
its a tough decision, knowing that now
its seems pretty uncertain for me to
land a better one.
but you know what? i dont give a flying fuck.

there is nothing worse than dreading every single
day going to work,
having lost all that motivation, that drive to push
myself to go against every boundary.
i just dont care anymore.

siigh

oh and the 2pm leadja Jay issue is making me
feel rather upset.
its a tad overblown and i'll say just give him a break.
goodness.
and they say that your past mistakes will always
come back to haunt you when you least expect it.

its okay hottests
im with you and our boys all the way.
we'll pick up the remmnants of the broken
pieces of what was once a beautiful thing,
and put it back together again.

2pm love forever
fighting!

hide and seek

2009-09-04T22:52:00.003+08:00

i may sound like a weakling
or a fucking sensitive scaredy-cat.
but you know what asshole?
i dont care.

whats important is that i know
what is best for me.
and that im happy with my decision.

so for now, im gonna hide in my lil
own fantasy world,
where everything seems sort of surreal.
of course its all make-believe.
thats the fun part, hah!

cos reality is too harsh on me today.

indifferent

2009-08-28T23:38:00.002+08:00

sometimes, all it takes is a little kind word
or to show a tiny bit of appreciation,
to make someone's day a lil bit more
brighter and happier.

and it doesnt require a genius to figure
that out, right?

why then, all the unnecessary temper tantrums
and the insulting words?

sigh.

i hate you.
enough said.

" To truly hate someone is an art, one learns with time "

happy fasting

2009-08-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

dont know why but i feel rather excited
for the upcoming fasting month, Ramadhan,
which starts tomorow.

maybe its just me but i sense a different
sort of atmosphere in the surroundings.
sort of like more peaceful and very calm.
lol

oh and lets hope that with the supposed peaceful
& calm atmosphere,
i'll be a lil less impatient and more cool (hah!)
insya Allah

heres to the blessed month ahead and
may our fasting be a fruitful effort.

Ramadhan mubarak!

tweet tweet

2009-08-15T01:24:00.002+08:00

as per the norm
its almost 2am in the morning and
im still wide awake.

*yawns* barely. that is.

and out of boredom
i posted my first ever tweet.
on twitter of course!
lol i know. *grins*

its interesting really
how your mind is able to manipulate
you into doing all sorts of rubbish
when you're a lil sleepy.

oh and do check it out.
hahaha...
its hayatea17 by the way =p

fool again

2009-08-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

sometimes
certain things are better left unknown and
unsaid.
it doesnt make sense to stir up stuffs that
are prolly meant to be left buried.

and like what they always say,
a glass once broken, can never be fixed again.
you're only left with the shattered pieces of
what, was once a beautiful thing.

just like friendship.
can never ever be the same as before.

and im not that stupid now.
once before, yes.
now? fool me twice, shame on me.

i just dont care anymore,
im sorry but i cant be bothered.
i'd rather be a loner than keep up with
the pretenses.

go away.

babo. weh?

Complement

2009-07-31T23:29:00.002+08:00

love, when shared with a person
who fully complements & embodies
it in every aspect possible,
is truly fulfilling.

i love you sayang, truly i do.
happy fifth to us and heres to a whole
lifetime yet *hugs*

p/s:
heh. btw darling quoted me an Aristotle's;

'Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies'

sulky

2009-07-25T01:22:00.002+08:00

been having very bad headaches
for the past week.
and it was really terrible.
the pain & dull throbbing at my temple,
i could handle.
but i gave up when i started seeing double
visions and couldnt even stand properly
whereby i was swaying, even though i
stood still.

goodness.

i dunoe wads wrong with me these days.

impatient, barely able to keep my temper
in check.
and always pulling a long & sullen face.

sighh.

im so sorry sayang, i do still love you.
you know that dont you?
*hugs*

swinging

2009-07-18T10:26:00.002+08:00

I've always prided on myself on being able
to make sound & proper judgements,
well most of the time anyways.
without letting my emotions getting the upper
grips

but lately, i cant seem to differentiate between
common sense and being too emotional.
more so, when im going through a rough patch
recently.
a helluva thing it is.

siighh

oh and dont worry,
this is my emotions talking.
im letting it get the better of me, thus overlapping
my common sense for the time being.
its just as it is, i guess.

Wandering

2009-07-11T13:38:00.002+08:00

i know, havent been doing a proper
update for quite sometime already.

lost a lil of the enthusiasm for writing
down publicly on my thoughts.
i dunoe, its just a temporary phase mayhap, one that'll
hopefully pass on quickly.

but in case if you're wondering,
im all right, mostly that is.
barely able to discern between what is good +
positive and whatnots.
God.

am so damn tired.
will do a good one when my spirits are better yeaps?

Look at me

2009-06-20T14:46:00.003+08:00

' Hanbunman duh, naleul dun hanbun duh

balabwa, now im crying... '

(just one more time, one more time

look at me now)

Dreams

2009-06-06T03:46:00.003+08:00

the first time i heard Susan Boyle sang
'I Dreamed A Dream' from Les Miserables
on youtube (no less!), i actually cried.

she was so amazing in that performance and was
like pure magic and so angelic.
her voice brings out that emotion in you and it
literally made me have goosebumps.
the tears automatically welled up.
sigh
nontheless, shes still a winner in my book.

sometimes, dreams do really come true.
you just gotta stay true to your beliefs and have that
confidence to push it through.
most importantly, convince yourself before you're
able to convince others.

i rest my case for now.

picture perfect

2009-05-30T17:39:00.007+08:00

i have always loved photography
every single aspect of it.

the joy in finding that unexpected moment/subject,

that perfect shot for a beautiful picture.

but i never did get to indulge in that.

due to my busy work schedule and my other

passions.

and i think its high time all that is gonna change

so in a bid to kick-start my foray into a new interest,

i bought a polaroid camera.

its a simple camera with very basic operating function

but what i like most is that it produces instant pictures!

heh

i wanted something fun and simple at the moment.

but fret not, have decided to invest in something more

concrete and a suitable camera once im really

serious into it.

but for now, the star of the show;

Fuji's Instax Mini 7S Polaroid Camera

Pretty in pink!

Cutesy

2009-05-23T11:41:00.004+08:00

Been having tension headaches these days
and was feeling a lil depressed after work on Friday.
decided to pay a visit to my antidote-for-all-sickness, heh
the lil monster

showing off his 'strong' elbow

heh heh

Trying to act all cool and macho

lol

at the end of the day, my headache disappeared and

i felt a sense of complete fulfillment.

happy.

God how i love tis kid so much

*muacks!*

Momentous

2009-05-17T10:04:00.006+08:00

These days I've been looking forward
to the upcoming weekends each week with
much enthusiasm.
Much so than before i would say.

Now that the darling boyf has to work
on weekends as well, which leaves Sunday as his
only day off
makes it a lil bit more precious, for me to be
wanting to spend that whole day with him.

Heh

I especially love it when he's driving, with that
particular expression on his face while he's
trying hard to concentrate on the road.

Its only during times like this I get to gaze
(admittedly adoringly, hah!) on his side profile.
Tender moments like this makes me realize even more
that i do indeed love him very much.
Awww~ =p

I have never been a fan of a car with a white body
But i must say, darling's car looked good in that colour.

Had my virgin trip to the E-hub yesterday.

The Cadburry Ferris Wheel looked picturesque

from afar.

A dismal attempt in trying to capture that image below

heh

Knowing my fear of heights and that I've never before

had a ride on the ferris wheel

the darling boyf decided to accompany me on ride!

I didnt know whether i was pleasantly surprised or scared.

haha

It was a pleasant ride, though i doubt it could be called an exciting

experience

but the slight rocking and swaying of the capsule when it reached

the peak and stopped for a moment, did make my heart race wildly

for a minute.

And predictably, i got a lil dizzy -_-

But, hey

it was rather nice =)

hahahaha...

Granted

2009-05-10T11:11:00.002+08:00

its a moot point already.
and i see no reason to expand further patience
when you are venting out all the anger & frustration
on me
without even giving a thought on how i might feel
or the chance to understand why.

yes, you have a right.
but so do i.

and i choose to ignore.
by that i mean to really really ignore.
cos i dont care anymore.

friendship is a funny thing, really.
especially when it dictates you.
hah

" In all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a
question mark on the things you have long taken for granted "
- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) British author, mathematician, & philosopher

Possibility

2009-05-03T14:13:00.002+08:00

i really really hate you.
you're a moronic motherfucking ass.
you always irritate me, insult me and taunt me.
i dont know why i put up with all that when
its patently obvious that the conversation was never
gonna work out.
yet you persisted.

reverse psychology indeed. *snorts*
more like mind games i think.

anyways
woke up late today.
and right now im wanting my Cadbury hot chocolate
before i feel even remotely human again.

*scrubs face with both hands*

ah gosh
so fucking sleepy.

Listless

2009-05-01T13:02:00.003+08:00

am not exactly sure what wrong with me
these days.
been feeling so out of sorts with everything
and everyone.
its a lil disconcerting for those around me,
i surprise even myself.

maybe im just tired.

but i know differently.

i think i need to set my priorities straight.
but you know what?

just not right now.
i wanna go day-dream for a while.

Irritated

2009-04-25T03:12:00.007+08:00

i feel so damn tired to the point where
i am practically aching everywhere.
especially my lower back, the muscles there
are literally throbbing in pain.
work for the past week has been absolutely
crazy.
nothing short of a madhouse even.

and i feel drained. weary.
and mayhap even disillusioned.
i dunoe, think i've lost that drive/passion.
now its more of a 'do just for the sake of doing it'
instead of the 'do cos i really like it'
you feel me?

and YOU.
a fucking hypocrite
personally, i dont give a crap.
you can blog whatever shit you want, BUT
stop playing games with me cos we both know
you're trying to even up the scores for what i did
to you the last time.
remember? *smirks*

and dont ply me with all that 'just put it all aside cos
it doesnt matter' statements
you're trying to justify yourself and at the same time
cheapen my dignity & self-worth.
you belong in my past, so for both of our sake, just stay
the hell buried there.
just go away okay?

thankyou.

bahhhh
fucking sick and tired.
i need to sleep.

Farewell

2009-04-17T23:16:00.002+08:00

a colleague of mine had her last day of work
today.
it was quite unexpected actually but was
still understandable.
being pregnant is hard, when you're working in a lab
environment, especially when you're handling
all the various chemicals on a daily basis.

but still, i really hate goodbyes.
we've grown closer over the past year.
i'll miss you Thel =(

sigh

Break Apart

2009-04-12T03:48:00.003+08:00

feeling very much dissatisfied at the
moment with how life has taken control
of every single aspect of my life.
thus, rendering me completely at its mercy.
and very unhappy.

i just realise that no matter how one thinks that
one has got a tight rein on it,
you're just deluding yourself.
after all, its always about expecting the unexpected and
you never know what will happen next, do you?
and manipulations will get you nowhere either.
who are you trying to convince? yourself?

tried to gather all my courage and make a difference
but sometimes the circumstance doesnt allow it.
and the people around you, they just add on to
the edge.

whats the point of having everything you've always
ever wanted and dreamed of;
stable income, a good career + a loving & wonderful
person by your side,
when all you're feeling is discontent and a weary sense
of view towards all that life has to offer.
very much cynical and a jaded perspective

i am so damned unhappy.
so sick of crying myself to sleep every single night,
of going through all the daily motions for the sake of
it, but not truly appreciating the true meaning of
complete fulfillment.

happiness is never a constant thing,
but just a fleeting moment.

Golden

2009-04-10T23:17:00.003+08:00

In a bid to satisfy my current obsession with
Coach bags
I made another impulsive buy *grins*

but of course at the expense of darling's extreme
displeasure.
felt a lil guilty but then again, since i could easily
afford it
and i was gonna get it with my own money,
i thought why not? *shrugs*

Coach Signature Stripe Solid Medium Shoulder

i know i know, just another bag
but doesnt it look just so nice?
heh

*(pictures courtesy of iwannabag)

Upset

2009-04-10T00:44:00.002+08:00

when you start to take things too hard
and too literally, to a point where it gets a lil
hysterical
you know you got it real bad.
i guess its one thing to look at other people
and critise them for their flaws,
but its better to scrutinize one-self for our
own shortcomings.

and its a moot point already,
once you start to doubt your standing, to slowly
lose faith in what you really believe in.
of which holds you firmly rooted to the ground.

God.
standing knee-deep in shit, where hypocrisy runs
rampant
is almost doing me in.
maybe i just gotta be a lil more 'thick-skin', yeah?

yes, yes
i'll bear that in mind the next time i come across
one of you mother-fucking idiots yes?

hell.

Be free

2009-04-04T17:29:00.009+08:00

the reason i brought back all the paperwork
home was so that i could really sit down
and for once to thoroughly sift through them all.
but it has only been 10minutes and already im getting
listless and bored.
ah God.

how the hell am i supposed to finish like tis.

and i thought the crooning sounds of Duffy
would help me plow through.
but i guess im either too keyed-up or just plain lazy.

its a wonderful saturday.
but im here waiting for the darling to finish work late.

siiigh

sayangg, i want you here now.
*sulks*

unwell

2009-04-04T00:03:00.002+08:00

caught the flu bug + high fever last week.
was on 3days mc but i was still a lil feverish
when i started work only last wednesday.

its a sucky feeling to be having the fever
when you're already sniffling and having to
contend with a bad headache at the same time.

bahhh

not in the mood right now.
will do a proper one once im good yeah.

night

Abed

2009-03-21T12:02:00.002+08:00

i caught the flu bug due to the unpredictable
weather lately.
the symptoms were all there already.
but i chose to ignore, feigning ignorance cos i
didnt want to succumb when i had so many issues
at work.

the body aches and sniffling i could handle.
it was bearable as long as i was able to stand upright
without wobbling.
i think the effort nearly killed me, haha.

but last night the headache sealed the deal.
God.
thank goodness its the weekend.

sigh
im craving for chicken soup. *pouts*
sayang? please?

Pretzel

2009-03-15T11:13:00.003+08:00

woke up tis morning with a sudden
ravenous craving for the Aunt Annie's Pretzel.

God

especially the Almond pretzel with the caramel dip.

*swoons*

heh

i persuaded the darling boyf to get some for me later.

cant absolutely wait.

coupled with the Cadbury hot chocolate drink,

ahhhh~ tis is the life~

*sighing in satisfaction*

Scar

2009-03-14T08:31:00.002+08:00

had a deep cut on the pad of my right thumb.
sort of like a paper cut, but it went deep
*shudders*

didnt even realise that i got nicked until
i felt a sharp pain followed by a sudden throbbing.
cos i was handling the solution of diluted acid with
my bare hands sans the gloves.
yes, stupid i know.

it was all shrivelled up and was so damn red
felt detched from my hand.
and to make it worse, there was blood.

i hyperventilated and almost fainted due to the horror
also felt dizzy with fear.
God. haha

didnt know whether to cry or to apply medication.
to make it worse, i was actually bending over & tucking my
head to my chest
trying hard to keep breathing instead of panicking

and you know what?
my colleague had to apply the medication and bind my
thumb with a plaster.
cos i couldnt bear to look at it. -_-

idiotic.

im pretty lucky to have a nice sweet and loving boyf.
why?
cos he'd apply medication on it every night before i
go to sleep
cos im not exactly a brave lil soldier like you right sayang?
hehe

Aimlessly

2009-03-07T13:48:00.000+08:00

managed to fall asleeep only at 5am tis morning
with a book still propped on my chest.
but i woke up early.

i dunoe
restless maybe.

today promises to be a good, cheerful and sunny day.
seems like the perfect day for me to just laze
around doing nothing all day long.
maybe its time for me to recharge yeah.

but i brought back all my papers from work.
and now im not sure whether i want to
do any work at all.

God.
tis is stupid.

Nervy

2009-03-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

there is such a thing as miracle.
thankyou God, syukur alhamdulilah.
goodness

been having nightmares for the past week
my sanity was hanging by a thread and i was
a complete wreck.
work was giving me a helluva time
so much pressure

but i guess God took pity on me
cos i was constantly whining and crying
hence the miracle, heh

siiiighhh
so damn tired.

i need to get away from that place.
its draining me.

bahh.

Popeh

2009-02-28T13:43:00.005+08:00

In an attempt to cheer myself up
went over to my cousin's to see my favourite
lil monster.
heh

played hide-and-seek, chasing each other aimlessly

haha

and gorged on peanut-butter waffle together

strangely, all i wanted to do for the rest of the day was just sit down beside him

swinging our legs and hear him chatter in toddlers' language.

barely discernable but i understood him all the same

lol

i havent been tis happy and content for a while now

asked him to pose in an 'act cute' manner

but he got distracted by the passing cars and motorcycles

haha

As he would say, " Wooooo! Fuh fuh! Aju aju aju!"

meaning;

"Wow, faster faster faster"

sigh

i miss him already

Feign

2009-02-27T11:35:00.003+08:00

its time to actually stop for a moment
and to smell the roses.

or to just lie flat on the ground
and watch the clouds floating across the sky
aimlessly.

to give in to this longing inside me to just throw
away all my responsibilities and be free.
so that finally i can relax.
im chafing already, from all these strings holding
me tightly contained in a box.

before i succumb to depression.
its almost doing me in.

sigh
my head hurts.

Rein Tight

2009-02-20T23:44:00.003+08:00

that restless feeling which once plagued me for
days to end, is slowly stirring up inside.
its like a slow burning in my chest.
to say it hurts like the very devil is putting it mildly.

hmmm..

i dunoe
i have tis sudden urge to throw a temper tantrum.
to heave and shove at something or someone
just so i can let loose tis unexplicable surge of rage
and be done with it.
after so long of holding it in with a tight leash.
it'll be even harder to rein it all back in once i let loose
any chords of control over my emotions.

ah God.

and just when i thought that turning 22 few days back
was no big deal
it seems to pile on even more on me.
and what do i mean by that?

just leave me be.

"What we say, unless we are lying, reflects what we live, not what happens from
the perspective of the independent observer"
- Maturana & Varela

Raving Lunatic

2009-02-15T13:28:00.003+08:00

you know its during times like these
when im besieged by pms
that i get unnecessarily emotional
due to the crazy raving & shifting hormones inside
without any sane reason
even nary a rational thought.
hence, the mood swings.
hah

and so, i'll be taking refuge in a cave
thus reverting back to my primitive roots
like those cavewomen, swinging around their stone
bats at their mates in anger
before i cause any more harm to the male species
who dont have an inkling of whats going on
(yes darling, i mean you)

yes yes, roll your eyes
do snort even.

i'll come back to normal civillisation once im good
heh

Drained

2009-02-14T01:44:00.003+08:00

past week has been absolutely crazy

somehow i managed to remain unscathed

through all the ordeal

a mean feat, considering how i almost fell

apart literally

due to the sheer pressure from it all.

sigh

am very exhausted at the moment.

drained emotionally and mentally as well.

God.

its during times like these when i really wish

that the passing wind would just sweep me up into the sky

and carry me into oblivion.

i crave for solitude.

ah well, on to happier things.

in view of my birthday, which falls somewhere next week

*hint hint* lol

i decided to splurge a lil bit.

look at what i bought for myself as an early

birthday present, heh

Coach Signature Stripe Patent Tote

Looks gorgeous don't you think so? heh

Oh be still my beating heart (gasp!)

hehehe

Nervy

2009-02-07T10:09:00.005+08:00

I think I have a healthy dose of fear for

pregnant women.

well maybe fear is too strong a word.

i'll call it a protective instinct.

one that comes into play when Im around them.

why?

ever since my colleague told us that she was pregnant,

i became a bit more wary being around her than ever.

not that Im terrified of her

but its more of 'for her'.

cos the environment we're working in is not a good,

conducive and exactly health-friendly one.

especially more so when you're handling corrosive &

hazardous chemicals/acids on a daily basis.

sigh

such a petite & small person, its a little unnerving

to think that in the months to come,

she'll be bigger and rounder

heh

i dunoe, but i'll always think of her as a younger sister

even though shes older by 4 years lol

' There can be no spirituality, no sanctity, no truth without the female sex '
- Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider
(Northern Exposure, Revelations, 1993)

Happy Returns

2009-02-01T01:49:00.003+08:00

a very happy 23rd birthday to the darling boyfriend.

may God bless you every single day and for all

those to come as well. Amin

iloveyou dear *muahh*

Smug

2009-01-30T23:55:00.006+08:00

feeling a lil smug with myself at the moment.
why, you may be wondering.
look at what I got for myself from Coach, the other day;

a Heritage Stripe Mini Skinny

heh heh =p

mai Bangkok

2009-01-30T10:40:00.042+08:00

How do you know when you've reached Bangkok?

When all the signs comes in English and Thai language together, heh

The view outside Bangkok airport

Everyones knows Baiyoke Sky, so-called famed for its

weekend night markets around the area there.

a bird's eye view of Bangkok from my hotel room balcony,

at almost 7am in the morning there.

The sky lounge at the topmost 43rd storey of the hotel,

where you can see an all-round view of the city during breakfast

For the first day of sight-seeing,

decided to take the train to get around.

Its almost similar to the ticketing machine here in Singapore

dont you think so?

No escalator or lifts, only stairs to get to the platform

heh

Platforms are quite wide and big
and the train looks more like a monorail eh?

And look at this sales'girl' who served us at the Mabungkrong shopping centre
She was too pretty for us (me & my mom) to resist taking a picture with

haha

Theres my mom.

But if you looked closer, theres no denying that she's no ordinary woman

if you know what i mean *grins*

Walked around Siam Paragon and MBK

Since it was too far away from our hotel to continue walking

decided to take a tuk-tuk

much more faster and it was absolutely a scary experience

haha

Theres my family in the other tuk-tuk

Me trying to take snap a pic of the interior before the tuk-tuk

zapped through the traffic at an almost impossible speed

in the traffic jam

Theres my aunt and mom taking a pic with the driver

for keeps, lol

And at night

we decided to something a lil different since all felt liberated enough

for it

went to watch the famous cabaret show
haha

The lampshade itself was a rather obvious indicator of the sleazy atmosphere

we were in

with red lights, smoke and all

almost brothel-like, i think

But the performance was great

an eye-opener for me, lol

And after the performance, we had the chance to take pictures

with all the dancers in the show

who were all lined up in a single row near the exit

Personally i think they're all pretty, that is if you dont look too

closely haha

Cos its obvious enough that they're all transexuals

(of which Bangkok is famous for)

Theres my uncle, trying to look brave

but he ran away at the slightest touch by the 'girls'
heh

My cousin taking a pic with some of the dancers

gloriously dresses wouldnt you say? haha
and I think the middle one was the 'prettiest' among all

Some other dancers

The next day

we walked around town for the whole day

mainly to soak up the atmosphere

Outside swensens

we had some ice-cream afterall

weather was hot, the perfect excuse for ice-cream

right? hehe

Snap some pictures while walking around

After 4 days

it was time to fly back home

at Bangkok airport before the flight home, finally heh

Somber

2009-01-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

my condolences to Aunt V and her family.
death is imminent for everyone of us, but is
never pretty to begin with.

sometimes mere words arent enough to express
your sincere empathy
especially when the grief is too great.
nontheless, i think the fact that at least it brings
an end to the countless pain and suffering,
will be a soothing balm and bring some comfort.

anyways
on a very very much happier note, though i feel alil
thoughtless to be saying this;
i'll be flying to Bangkok tmr heh heh
for a much needed break from work.
its getting a lil too tense for me at the moment and
i really need a breather.

will be on a 4 day trip actually
my mom's pretty excited abt the shopping experience there
geez
i just hope its gonna be a smooth and good trip
insya Allah
will be back soon enough yeah heh

meantime, have a good long holidays ahead &
happy chinese new year!
gong xi fa cai~ lol goodness

Past Due

2009-01-20T19:58:00.008+08:00

my weekend was quite good

actually.

met up with the old poly mates, some of whom i havent

see for almost half a year already, heh

its rather surprising yeah, seeing as how we've always

keep in touch

but i guess due to conflicting schedules, its a tad inconvenient

for impromptu meetups

nontheless, we had great time catching up over ice-cream;

yeap, nothing can make Nad 'high' like chocolate fondue

especially when theres too much chocolate in the bloodstream,

it can literally make her go crazy

haha

and look what happened when everyone's fighting for the fondue;

a chocolate fight

heh

Surfacing Up

2009-01-17T11:52:00.002+08:00

feels like i've been underwater for quite some
time and that im resurfacing now.
yes, i've been in quite a daze for the past week
cos work's been a bitch.
so many new projects + the boss's having pms.
bahh~

gonna be pretty hectic in the coming week, whats with
CNY coming, production line's closing as well.
which means more chemicals will be brought into the lab
for testing.
and Ethel's gone back to Phillipines for the hols too
no one to bully at work anymore
*sigh*

but you know what?
theres that Bangkok trip too
*smug grin*
heh heh

i'll let you know, soon.
very soon =p

Pulled apart

2009-01-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

so much resentment inside.
almost feels like everything/everyone is
going against me.
nothing has ever gone the way I want them to
be since the start.
God.

and right now
all i want to do is to just curl up and cry.
i cant bear it anymore, its just too much for me
to handle.

leave me alone.
i need solitude.

Faltering steps

2009-01-10T00:21:00.003+08:00

when you're standing knee-deep in bullshit
and where hypocrisy runs rampant,
its hard not to get sucked into the vortex of it all.
but you turn into one of them,
scheming liars, fucking hypocrites and all.
where you manage to survive, barely remaining
unscathed.

i just hope that despite it all, i wont lose my
real sense of faith
of what i truly believe in, that sense of knowing
what is true and what's not.
most importantly, i dont want to lose myself.

ah God
tis just so hard.

but as long as I have you, sayang
I know that its gonna be okay insya Allah
cos you keep me grounded and sane, pulling me
back firmly onto my feet when I start to falter.

for that, iloveyou more. *muah*

its just the start of the new year.
i've got a long way to go still
sigh.

"Love is the difficult realization that something other than
oneself is real"
- Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999), British novelist

Everything Coach

2009-01-06T20:31:00.006+08:00

Im a happy happy girl today.

Why, you're wondering?
Look at what arrived for me and my mom

earlier today;

a Signature Stripe Wristlet & Signature Stripe Top Handle Pouch for Mom

plus, look at them pretty things for me too;

a Signature Stripe Mini Skinny Tote & Heritage Signature Stripe Wristlet

Im in love *swoons* hehe

Impulse

2009-01-04T02:28:00.002+08:00

i overspent today.
a lil bit over my spending limit actually, lol.
but something tells me they're worth every single
cent.
especially when i imagine my mom's reaction following
the surprise purchases arrival next week.
heh

couldnt resist getting them pretty things for myself as well.
i know, impulsive buying.
and like what my cousin says; displaying vulgar excess
sigh
and now my bank account doesnt look that pretty.
haha

then again, i cant wait for them to arrive.
what exactly are these surprises, you may be wondering?

heh heh

Round

2009-01-03T01:11:00.002+08:00

sayang
i miss you. terribly

*hugs*

sometimes
when things doesnt seem to go the way you
want them to be from the start of the day
its time to just give in to the shit, sit down on
the floor
and cry.

another option is to ask for a tight hug from
someone.

which i did. and it doesnt take a genius to figure out
that it does make one feel better.
lots better.

heh.

Blessings

2009-01-01T11:43:00.003+08:00

in keeping up with tradition;

goodbye 2008 and hello 2009

heh

i'll say that 2008 has been a momentous year

generally speaking of course and i dont mean it in a good way

so much violence, people killing each other and the innocent

ones as well,

the great financial depression, affecting everyone around

the world,

melamine-tainted milk + other food products scare resulting in hundreds of babies

dying, isnt that a serious health hazard? goodness

and thats just to name a few

what is the world coming to?

what i actually mean to inflict here is that in spite of

all these bad moments,

its important for us to look for those bright moments

as well, seek joy in those small things which make us

realize that happiness in life is made up of fleeting moments.

so do count our blessings yeah.

and personally, i hope 2009 will be a more fulfilling year

insya Allah

have made up a list of resolutions

and this time, im gonna make sure that i get to strike off

every single one of them come end of the year, lol

have a great & wonderful new year people.

"He who fails to realize that God has blessed him, not only with regards to food and drink, but in many other ways, has understood but little; such a man stands on the brink of eternal damnation"
- Hilyat Alauliya

shoddy

2008-12-30T20:30:00.003+08:00

am so damn fucking exhausted.

sigh

everyone's geared up for the new year.

me too.

though at tis point in time, i'll

just say that i cant be bothered.

but you know what?

thats the exhaustion talking, so ask me again

in 2 days time. heh

"Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed"
- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

Chill Pill

2008-12-28T12:16:00.002+08:00

its been a good long weekend

unfortunately, it'll be back to work tmr

but i wont think about that just for now.

instead

today, im gonna get right into the mood

accompanied by the crooning sounds of Michael Buble

aimlessly doing whatever it is that i feel like doing

on most Sundays

which is to just chill, heh

i feel good just thinking about it already

haha

weird i know

*sigh* (in contentment of course)

babylove

2008-12-26T22:12:00.005+08:00

spent time today with the lil monster, heh

kicked some ass in the x-box game, kick-scootering like the devil,

tickled each other until we're laughing tears & gorging on chocolate

cake together.

yup, definitely fun.

for a 2-year old monster, he's one hell of a kid

and yes, he knows how to handle the controller for the x-box

as well as playing his favourite game;

car racing

and now i feel exhausted already, lol

ah God

i miss him already

Festive

2008-12-25T11:49:00.003+08:00

been a flurry of activities lately
exchanging gifts and all
amid the delighted squeals + incessant chattering while
keeping that amused half-smile plastered onto my lips

so it feels good to be having a breather for now.

the days seem to speed by so fast
and before you know, it'll be the new year soon.
but for now im just content to let it all go by slowly,
taking in one day at a time.

like savouring that orgasm

the sudden rush of explosive pleasure going to the brain
almost numbing all the senses, lol

too detailed im sure. heh

until the new year comes in,
i'll be on a relaxed mode.

but for now
Merry Christmas!

tokens

2008-12-22T20:53:00.003+08:00

you know, when others give you presents
basic courtesy and good manners dictate that you
have to give them too.
more like a token of appreciation really
but of course, unless you dont want to and thus
showing what a selfish crap you are.
which i dont intend to show myself as, heh

and so, its always at this time of every year where
i never fail to do some last minute shopping + bargain hunting
and of course, searching for appropriate presents.
sigh
i reaaally hate these last minute things, urgh.
and christmas is only 2-3days away.

there are still the matter of cards to deal with too.
i need cards. now where can i get cards?
cards. urgh

yes, im a scatterbrain when it comes to these things.
bahh

Remedy

2008-12-20T00:02:00.003+08:00

im glad weekend has finally arrived.
its been a long week and i just need some
personal time to myself for now.
recharge time yeah?

will be back on tis space after weekends.

oh and sayang,
i think what you did the other night sealed the deal.
yes love, heres to forever more
*muah* heh

you know i do.

'There is no remedy for love but to love more'
- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

Love

2008-12-17T21:22:00.008+08:00

you could say that it was love at first sight.

and i knew that i had to have you in my possession
or risk being obsessed with the thought of you
forever and after.

who im talking about?

my new baby, Baby G

heh

Evil

2008-12-16T20:00:00.003+08:00

did any of you managed to catch the news yesterday
where a journalist hurled his shoes at Bush during a press
conference in Iraq? (news link)

heh i thought it was pretty amusing
and i must say it was marvellous the way Bush managed to
avoid getting hit, good reflexes lol
he deserved that, to say the least for being a total brute
in the war against Iraq
whatever reasons he has, it can never justify the fact that
it has resulted in every single one of the victims being dead
killed for his whatever-the-shit policies or so-called stance
in the war.
those innocent men, women, children, babies
i condemn pointless killings
ah God

and now the journalist is in detention for his 'rude' act.
it was just a normal basic human instinct, to strike out at
those who wants to harm us, right?
for this, i'll say its justified.
hes lucky though that it happened to be a shoe thrown
he'd better pray dearly that the next time he wont get hit
by something more deadly
haha

funny how the world works sometimes
are we getting more inhumane?

'I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to
sit still in a room'
- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

trumped

2008-12-14T00:48:00.003+08:00

'Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence'
- H.L Mencken (1880 - 1956)

sometimes i feel that boys are really unnecessary creatures.
they are there only for us to procreate with
other than that, totally irrelevant.

urgh

whats the point of having a relationship with someone when you
cant even count on him being there when you need him the most?
rather defeats the purpose, dont you think so?

right sayang?
being independent is a good thing, i know.
but sometimes i just need your presence to reassure me, thats all.

sigh.

Anew

2008-12-13T00:52:00.004+08:00

Theres nothing more refreshing than starting on a clean slate.

Dont worry, its nothing significant.
And so I shall start a proper update on the next post.
For now, just let me take it all in.

'The eternal silence of these infinite spaces fills me with dread'
- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)